Inadequate

(This blog is a conversation between my good friend (and instructional coach), Mrs. Stephanie Sandrock, and myself. As is often the case, I emailed her a long message with my thoughts. She replied. Her responses are in green.) 

I must confess that I often feel inadequate, 

not good enough.

I am a good teacher. But I see so many ways that I could improve.

THIS…THIS…this is what makes a great teacher!  

And sometimes when I read of all the things that teachers “should” be doing, I get overwhelmed.  

I don’t even have a class of students now 

and I get overwhelmed at all that teachers are expected to do.

I try to adjust my teaching to meet new research and new ideas. I study my craft and I study my students.

                                     ↖This is the key, right here.   

After lessons, I’m almost always thinking about what went well or badly, and what could be better. I assess what my students picked up and what they are lacking in understanding. I decide what I need to do next. For classes that I teach multiple times a day, I often adjust the lesson between periods.

Because I feel it’s so important that students learn to read critically and think logically/systematically, I spend more time on this than many would say that I should.

Learning, long term… learning is the key. 

Not memorizing for a test. 

The current FL push is 90% target language in the classroom. I like that idea. I would love to be there. I am not. I stop too often to be sure that students understand, see the logic in the language, know how and why things work, express themselves clearly, understand that 

what I want most is learning—understanding.

Let’s be honest, how many of your students

 are going to go out in the world 

and speak fluent Spanish? 

I hope that doesn’t crush you;  

I love you...

Besides, I want to ensure that as many as possible learn a language and understand. I am constantly bringing along the lower end. I want them to stick with it, develop confidence, know that they too can learn and succeed. I don’t want them to give up and say, “I can’t learn a language”. That will overshadow them the rest of their lives.

What you do is give your students exposure 

to a new language and culture which is most important.

But I am not making excuses. I am working to make that transition. I’m studying and practicing, and trying new things. Constantly.

You teach them how to live a life 

where they can make an impact.

Often at the end of the day I feel guilty. 

Inadequate. 

I could have done better. 

I could have tried harder. 

I could have prepared more…

The other incredibly important thing you do 

is to teach your students to think.

Thinking is what will get us through life.

Learning to learn gets them through life.

And when they learn Spanish along the way that is AWESOME!

Do you know how many times I have asked myself, “How were you ever selected as a Finalist for Pennsylvania Teacher of the Year”? 

I don’t ask this trying to assume a false humility. 

I see my flaws.

All of this letter

is why you made it to the final round… 

All of it.

Last month I was one among many readers privileged to read and score essays for the first round of the 2019 PATOY nominees. It was humbling. They are making a huge impact. They are changing things.

I invest in students.

And colleagues.

One at a time.

Sometimes I have a positive impact.

Sometimes I don’t seem to accomplish anything.

I don’t judge myself based on “success/failure” for my investments. That would be futile and skewed.

It’s just that I see how much more I could do, 

what I could do differently, 

how I want to change, 

where I am weak…

And I feel inadequate.

THIS…THIS…this is what makes a great teacher!  

 Always trying to improve your craft 

and learn what your students need. 

Many just do the same thing year after year 

and that isn’t working for them or their students. 

We want to be considered professionals 

like doctors, accountants and lawyers. 

Would any of us want a doctor who 

isn’t using the latest breakthroughs in medicine?   

But, perhaps, this very feeling of inadequacy

Is what makes me a good teacher?

YES!

Faced with the choice to be content or to be dissatisfied,

I choose to face my inadequacies 

and to fight to improve.

Again today.

And tomorrow.

And the next day.

And I, my friend, am so happy that you let me

 go on the journey with you. 

You inspire me to be a 

better person, mom, teacher and coach. 

Thank you!

• Do you have a friend, mentor, coach? 

• Does he/she encourage and push you? 

• Are you a friend, mentor and coach to others? 

• What do you do to encourage and push them?

This short video is from the PATOY 2018 dinner. You can hear why I think so much of Stephanie!